The short story has two parts. First, you should never do anything as a dominant that makes you feel guilty. It's your soul. It's the same thing if you are becoming angry with him for what you are doing. Just don't.

The exception is when you are just starting. You might feel guilty -- if you are receiving service or pampering, it might not seem fair to him. Dominance and submission is strange that way, because he can enjoy giving you service and pampering you.

So. If you are starting, and you feel things are going great, and he is happy, but by your training you also worry that things aren't fair, this is probably something you need to push through. Follow your heart, not your training.

The Good Domme

But if you need reassurance, or a reminder, here is a description of the perfect Domme

1. She cares about him. She probably cares about her children, herself, him, family, friends, and the world, in that order.

2. She does not make him smaller. She avoids any humiliation or degradation that might carry over into the real world and decrease his confidence or self-esteem.

3. She tries not to blind-side him with anger. Actually, there is little good reason to be angry with a submissive. But anger and punishment are fair when he is disobedient. That includes careless work and passive agressive compliance. Unexpected anger is unfair. If he tries to obey her commands and please her, and she is still angry with him sometimes, whose fault is that?

4. She uses her power over him to encourage his happiness and growth.

So, when he tries to do something right, and she does not like the results, she is not angry or annoyed with him, and she does not punish him with her emotions. She is encouraging and appreciative.