Subject: I have hope now :-)|
Maybe I am writing this in the wrong spot, or maybe I shouldn't write this here at all, but I just had to say how good it feels to have some hope again.
So many years I have been empty and distraught. I know that I cannot ask my wife to dominate me, she would think I was into some sick perversion like BDSM or something and I'd never live it down. So year after year I went on with this sick and empty feeling inside me that I could never speak of.
But now that I have seen this site I feel like I have hope. The 4 step program feels right to me. I know this is the sort of dominant relationship I have always wanted, but believed I would never have. It will take time to stop feeling guilty that I want this, but I'm confident that it wil eventually pass. I have started with hidden submission now and I can't tell you how good it feels. I prepared dinner for the family, washed the dishes, swept the floor, cleaned the table, and the stove. It felt so good I can't stop smiling. I feel like I am whole now and I have hope for some real fullfillment as months pass. I just imagined that my wife requested me to do that. I know she was pleased, I could see it on her face. I am sure it will take time, but hopefully she will continue to enjoy this and eventually start to request this behavior, even expect it, from me.
I have read, and re-read all the good information found herein, and I am going to put it all into action, and hopefully get some positive results.
I have a picture of a night on my PC desktop to be a constant reminder that I must be her strong and obedient knight.
thanks to whom ever thanks is due.
| RE: I have hope now :-)|
five days have now passed and the results are better than I dreamed. Serving my wife with my whole heart and soul, even without her asking has brought fullfillment to my life beyond anything I could have ever imagined.
Also my wife seems to be pleased as well. Here is the e-mail I received from her.
On my way to work I cried. Tears of happiness running down from my eyes. thinking of all the things that you have have been doing for me. Cooking , cleaning, and caring for me, and email messages for me. My laods are light. You have swept me off my feet. Your so sweet, kind and wonderful husband. I think to my self, Do I deserve this? I love you so much.
Those are the most beautiful words she has ever said to me. Funny though, if she were to know that I wish to be a submissive husband she would feel differently. I hope in time she will be so happy and comfortable with this, that I will be able to "take one foot out of the closet" and see how that goes.
This was my reply to her e-mail....
Hello My Lady, of course I want to tell you that I love you!!!
I also want to say thank you. Thank you for bringing such happiness into my life. I have been happier this week than I have been in many years. You just can't imagine how much pleasure I get when I do things for you. It's the greatest thrill ever. The more I do for you, the happier I am. When I finish some task and see the smile on your face, or hear you say "good job" I just want to burst with excitement. When you do things that I could have done for you, you take away from me the opportunity to get more happiness from you. You are the sweetest, most wonderful woman I will ever know. (beautiful too) please feel free to ask me what ever you want, and be confident that I am happy to give you any help that I can.
Thank you My Lady for being you!!!
Love your strong and obedient knight
| RE: I have hope now :-)|
We have never spoke about my being submissive, but I am beginning to believe that we both understand, but are more comfortable not discussing it. She is taking to her role as dominant better than I'd have thought possible. You must be right Cynthia, my clean submission, brings out the caring dominant in my wife.
Before I used to do nothing around the house, except the typical guy chores such as cutting the grass, electrical, plumbing, take care of the car. But I did none of the daily tasks needed to keep a house running on a day to day basis. She seems to really appreciate the help, and once in a while she will vacuum a little or do the dishes. At first I didn't like that, but now I don't mind because I am understanding this caring domination more clearly each day. If it makes her happy to help me, then it makes me happy.
Yesterday, in addition to my doing the cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, and shopping, she asked me to clean the refrigerator. I don't like this task and my immediate reply was I am too busy. But as the words were leaving my mouth I wished I could take them back. Well she said okay, but All I could think of are Cynthia's words that "if you do what you are told quickly, and do a good job, trust me, she will ask you to do more". I knew that those words were proving true and I didn't want to blow it now. All I could think of was that she would hug me and pronounce me "cured", no I couldn't have that, things were getting to be just the way I needed. So I did everything I could to help her maintain her confidence. I did the task immediately. While doing it I explained to her that it was a great idea, something that really needed doing. I also sincerely apologised.