Subject: TJ's story, part 2|
TJ’s story, part 2
Re-reading part 1 of my story after posting it, I see that I come across as kind of angry in places. I don’t mean to, & honestly, I’ve never felt more than mildly frustrated at my sex life. I don’t blame my wife for this. Why couldn’t I have asked for what I wanted? At any rate, I feel I may have expressed myself too strongly & want to be sure I’m not misunderstood.
Finding the SCD website.
I found the School of Caring Domination website about 10 days ago. It expressed very well what I’ve been feeling. The second paragraph had me hooked: when I read that submissive men “are polite, considerate, caring, and moral,” I thought to myself, here’s something refreshing; somebody out there really does understand me. This described me to a T. Being submissive didn’t have to mean wanting physical, verbal & psychological abuse. Being a submissive husband suddenly seemed like a real possibility & not so shameful a possibility, at that.
Men want “control, or someone to serve and obey, or something like that... Without that, they won't be happy and they will develop kinks.” Hmm. Could this be why I’ve been cruising the ‘Net lately looking for “sexual content”? Things began falling into place in my mind. I read the whole site through twice & saved every page on my computer to read again.
For a couple of days before I found the site, I had begun to act out a fantasy of being my wife’s slave, only she didn’t know about it. Since we often work different schedules, I’m at home a lot when she’s not there. I began to do little things around the house: picking up here & there, cleaning the kitchen, making the bed, stuff she might notice or might not, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that I was doing it because that’s what a dutiful slave is supposed to do for his Mistress. In order to make it feel sexy, I would do the chores naked, & before I began each one, I would assume a submissive posture next to her side of the bed – on my knees with my hands clasped behind my back – & speak out loud my submission & adoration for her. Then I would kiss or lick the bedpost nearest the foot of her side of the bed, wishing it were her body. Just the pretense gave me a raging hard-on.
When I read about the 4 Step Program for men on the website, I realized that I had been practicing “hidden submission,” just like it was described. (I considered the fact that I had begun to practice hidden submission only a couple of days before I found it on the website a kind of confirmation that this is what I should be doing). For those who haven’t tried hidden submission, I recommend it: it is an incredible turn-on. And it really is a way to see how submission might actually feel.
The website suggests four ways of hidden submission. I had begun practicing “service,” simply doing stuff around the house to please my wife. For a long time I have also been practicing “sexual service,” putting her sexual pleasure first, albeit with some degree of frustration (as I described in part 1). Because of conflicting schedules & having kids home in the evening, I didn’t see any ready opportunity to “worship” her with a long, luxurious bath, dinner, massage or some other time-intensive event. However, I decided I could practice “chastity” & give up masturbation for her.
Chastity is such a sweet-sounding word, but the reality is much more difficult. It is true that most men masturbate, & I am no different in that regard. I have been able to give up cumming through masturbation, thus relinquishing control of my orgasms to my wife. However, I haven’t been able to keep my hands off myself. Time on my hands generally means hands on myself. So I have to confess that I’ve been practicing a little cock teasing on myself, keeping myself in a state of low arousal & feeling hornier than I have in ages. My wife has wondered at my recent horniness, but I haven’t told her what it comes from.
I realize that, as a submissive husband, my cock rightly belongs to my wife, but I haven’t been able to stop “priming the pump” yet. This is something that’s going to take time & effort.
Putting it into practice, 1st encounter
At any rate, having read about “hidden submission” on the website, I began to practice it in more earnest. I liked the imagery of being my Lady’s knight, & I went about my chores with this in mind. It is amazing how horny you can get putting away the dishes. After a couple of days of conscious hidden submission, I got my wife to bed & we had a night of sex that was one of the best & most tender we’ve had in ages. The foreplay was long, relaxed & fulfilling, my orgasm was fantastic, & I couldn’t turn loose of her or stop kissing her after we were finished. I literally could not hold her close enough to me. It was if our bodies were in the way of getting as close to her as I felt.
I told her then that I really did want to serve her sexually & that all I wanted was to give her pleasure, that it gives me a great deal of joy & satisfaction to know that I’ve made her happy. I told her in fact, that my deepest heart’s desire was to serve her & I think she heard that in the right way.
The next day, I left some chocolates in her car along with a handwritten note for her to find when she got off work. The note said:
Last night was so special, so good & so tender, I had to say “thank you” again. I didn’t think it was possible to fall in love with someone I already loved so much, but I’ve fallen for you even more than I could imagine: madly & passionately. I adore you. I cherish you. I love you with all my heart. (Signed) TJ, your faithful Knight.
That was on Friday.
Putting it into practice, 2nd encounter
On Saturday night, even though we were abstaining from sex for reasons of religious observance, I snuggled up next to her & began to talk.
Please note the significance of what I just said: I, a man, began to *talk*! This was one of those really hard, really intimate conversations, the kind that men find so difficult. When I start to talk like this, I hem & haw, the words come haltingly, the sentences are sometimes minutes apart. My wife understands what’s going on & just lies there & keeps quiet. She knows it’s hard for me to bare my soul. She knows that, deep down inside, like most men, I’m scared (of ridicule, humiliation, rejection, contempt) but also that what I’m trying to say, I *need* to say, in spite of my fears.
What I said was essentially this: that I really meant it when I said that I was madly, passionately in love with her. That my heart’s deepest desire was to serve her sexually. That nothing gave me more pleasure than to please her. That I was afraid I had scared her or offended her with my occasional requests to play “Mistress & slave” (she confirmed that she didn’t like the connotations those terms had). That I was grasping at words or images that would capture what I felt but didn’t have the right words for. That, finally, I simply wanted to serve her. That I wanted to be her knight, & wanted her to be my Lady.
I then screwed up my courage & offered her my service, & without hesitation, she accepted it! I don’t have the words to express what I felt at that moment. I told her how hard it was for me to talk about this (as if she didn’t know), because it really did mean so much to me to serve her & I was afraid of her rejection. She told me how much she loved me & that she was mine forever. She actually called me her knight in shining armor. I called her my Lady. We lay there for a long time, holding each other, with tears in our eyes.
When we had finished with the weepy part, I encouraged her to ask me for sex. I wanted her to ask for my service. Again she said it just never occurred to her to initiate sex. I told her how badly I wanted her then & there, that, as a man, I was ready for sex at the drop of a hat, & that I really wanted her to ask for it. We agreed that the next day, on Sunday after church, when she was ready for it, she would ask me for sex.
Putting it into practice, 3rd encounter
The next day, after we got home from church, I was almost trembling with anticipation. We had lunch & sat down to read the paper (I don’t remember a word that I read). While I was in the middle of the crossword, she got up & came over to sit down beside me on the couch. She snuggled up close & ran her hand up my thigh. It was like electricity: a quiver shot through my whole body & my cock jumped to attention. Her hand casually stroked my thigh, slowly moving from the outside to the inside of my leg & finally (blessedly, thankfully) onto my crotch. The crossword was history. Even coherent speech was beyond me. I just sat there, my heart racing, panting for breath, delirious with lust. After an eternity of her casual touch, she said we should take it into the bedroom, & off we went.
Once the door was closed, I ditched my clothes as fast as I could. I like being naked while my wife is still dressed, & then caressing her while I slowly undress her. By this time, all she had on were her bra & panties. I came up behind & began to kiss her & fondle her breasts. I eventually ended up kneeling on the floor in front of her. I realized then what I wanted to do: after taking a few moments to muster my courage, I knelt there, naked, clasped my hands behind my back & said: “As your true knight, I am here to serve you, to dedicate myself exclusively to your sexual pleasure, & I don’t want to be released from your service until I have satisfied you completely. Will you accept my service?” And without hesitation she said: YES! It was a fantasy come true! I was going to get to serve my wife at her explicit request. And serve her I did. I even thought to remind her that my service to her did not end with my orgasm, but rather when *she* was satisfied.
We didn’t do anything in bed that was different from what we usually do, apart from her directing the action, but that made it exceptionally fine sex. For both of us.
Perhaps this submissive husband can bring out the dominant in his wife without too much difficulty. Perhaps caring domination can work...
The next day, I again left a note in her car at her business so she would find it when she got off from work. The note said:
Thank you again for a wonderful afternoon. The anticipation was delicious, & when you put your hand on my thigh, I thought I was going to melt then & there. To kneel in front of you, naked & exposed, & offer to serve you & gratify you really was a fantasy come true. For you to accept the offer so quickly – without hesitation – was such an affirmation I don’t have words to describe it. I suppose I have a submissive streak in me somewhere, but it took real courage for me to open myself to you as I have the last few days. I feel more like a man than I have in ages, & I have you to thank for it. I love you so much. (Signed) TJ, your faithful Knight
(To be continued)
| RE: TJ's story, part 2|
TJ, I have just read your story. Having been "trained" by my knight, I recognize what you are doing. If you continue on this path, I am sure your wife will be able to initiate sex with few hesitations. It can be difficult at times, she may regress, but if you remind your wife occasionally that you also like to be "asked" because it makes you feel wanted - she will be able to relate. The manner in which you offered service, using the term knight, and the physical posture, was a wonderful step forward for you both. You have my admiration for taking such a brave step in your relationship with your wife! The notes you leave for your wife are so thoughtful and a gentle reminder of your time together. They should get her to think about the wonder of your times together. If you want to try full service - the bath etc - make arrangements to go away for a weekend or even just a one night stay at a hotel. Plan it well and pamper her. Good luck!!!
| RE: TJ's story, part 2|
I appreciate your comments, your compliments & your support.
Your suggesetion about full service is a good one. I would like to do something like that, of course with much forethought, planning, & attention to little details (I seem to have a knack for that sort of thing). Scheduling & finding a place to park the kids are what always thwarts us.
Nevertheless, Sunday will be the big day for returning to sex. It will be good (what am I saying? It'll be cosmic!) but probably a little subdued because the kids will be around here somewhere... However, it looks like Tuesday afternoon is free & kids'll be in school, so we'll have lots of time really to enjoy ourselves "out loud," as it were. I'd like to think Tuesday could be better than cosmic. Better get planning now...