Subject: TJ's story, part 11|
Week 14 of our D/s relationship.
18 July. A couple of days after the wonderful scene I described in part 10, wonder of wonders, I woke up horny. During the part of the day that I wasn’t working, I went to the mall to get out of the house, to distract myself from the ache of desire, and simply to wander around. I remembered that I had asked my wife to buy me some kind of token to wear, something that would be a kind of constant reminder that I was my Goddess’ boy. I knew it had probably slipped her mind, and she really hadn’t had the time to go shopping for something like that, so I thought I would do the leg-work and see what kind of options there were.
(I really wanted to have a collar, and last year I even bought her one to put on me as a gag gift, but she never used it. I told her recently that I liked the look of a collar, but she said that she didn’t like them, that I was her boy, not her dog. Besides, I couldn’t wear something like that in public. Still, I hope she changes her mind about the collar...)
After cruising all kinds of shops and jewelry counters at the mall, I finally found a kiosk that sold silver jewelry. They did their own engraving work right there and had some nice engraveable pieces in thick, heavy silver that looked masculine: ovals, circles, hearts, and other shapes. The saleswoman even offered me a discount coupon, so I had the name of the kiosk in hand when I left.
On the way out of the mall, I stopped by a card shop and got a blank card, and by the Godiva chocolate kiosk for a couple of truffles. The night before, because of an assumption we both made, my wife went out to attend an event that turned out not to be taking place. It was about 90 minutes away. She came home after 3 hours of fruitless driving in a really bad mood, and being the handiest person to blame, she vented it on me. Of course, I was desolated. The website says that men who have a submissive crush are extremely sensitive to their women’s displeasure. I found out how right that is.
After a while she calmed down and realized that I wasn’t really to blame after all, she was just mad and I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to bear the brunt of it. Still, I took it personally and felt awful that she was unhappy, that maybe somehow I really was at fault. So last night I told her how sorry I was that she had wasted her evening, and if she it made her feel better, she could punish me. She said it wasn’t my fault and that I didn’t need punishment for it. Still, I was feeling bad today because she had been upset, so I wrote her a note in the blank card and left it and the truffles in her car at work so she would find them when she got off. Unfortunately, even though I had left the truffles in the car very late in the day, they melted in the bag. We had a fine laugh about it when she got home and put the truffles in the freezer to see if they could be salvaged somehow.
(I should note in passing that “punishment” has entered our vocabulary and thinking lately, even though I’ve only been “punished” once – for playing with myself – and that was by being made to cook dinner, and I’m due to be “punished” at some point for presumption, as described above. I jokingly asked once if I needed to fetch the belt or the riding crop over something I did, and my wife has mentioned the riding crop a couple of times jokingly. Who knows where this line of thinking will lead?)
We had a pleasant chat about D/s topics over iced tea. She thought I was obsessing about her being mad the night before. I reminded her about the website saying submissive men being hypersensitive to their women’s displeasure and that my feelings were probably just the down-side of my affection for her. I also told her what I had been shopping for at the mall. I told her about the silver jewelry pieces and that I thought a hefty silver heart with “Her boy” engraved on one side would be a nice token. She agreed and I gave her the coupon and told her where the kiosk was. I said I wasn’t sure how I would wear it (since I wear no jewelry except my wedding ring), but that I did want to keep it on me as much as possible. She smiled and said, “You can wear it down here,” and patted me on the crotch.
Now, I have to confess I hadn’t thought of that (go figure.) So that got my mind working. If whatever token she gives me doesn’t come with a chain or some such, I’ll go and find an adjustable silver chain that will fit around my cock and balls like a loose cock-ring and wear it that way. We’ll see...
That night, I asked if we were able to snuggle a bit, and she said yes, so I locked the bedroom door. I talked a bit during foreplay, explaining how much I enjoyed our scene in the den, how erotic it was, what I felt like when she had me screaming, how great the orgasm had been.
I told her that submissiveness comes over me like a mood: some days it is almost like a hunger, I feel like I need to be used, that I’m consumed by the ache of wanting to please her; other times, like now, I didn’t feel particularly submissive, though I was really horny and, frankly, I was feeling selfish and just wanted to get my balls off. Still, she is my Goddess and I’m happy to serve her pleasure any time and in any way.
We had been lying in one of her favorite positions, with her on top of me, holding my cock between her legs so that it rubs against her clitoris. During our talking, she began taking more control over what we were doing, riding my cock up and down according to her own rhythm and speed. Finally, I had to tell her,
“If you keep that up, I’m going to cum.”
“Well, if you’re going to cum, we should move on to the main event.” She raised up, slipped my cock inside her and slid down slowly.
“Yes,” I moaned in a whisper, “use it. Use it the way you want to.”
“Yes, I’m using you for my pleasure.”
So she fucked me just the way she wanted to. When I got close to the edge, I asked if I could cum and got permission to. And I did.
When we had finished and she was lying on top of me, it suddenly occurred to me to whisper,
“Thank you, Goddess,” I was immediately corrected (!).
“Thank you, Goddess,” I said, and then burst into uncontrollable laughter.
I think it was the combination of a good orgasm, which often makes me laugh with the exhilaration of the release, and the fact that she had obviously been in “Goddess mode” when she corrected me, that got me laughing. I think she’s really beginning to get comfortable with her role. Tonight she assumed it all on her own and took over our love-making completely.
Later, I asked her if I “should be thanking my Goddess every time I’m given the privilege of an orgasm.”
She laughed at the way I put it and said that I probably should. “I don’t want you getting uppity.”
“No, ma’am,” I said, and we went to sleep.
23 July. We were able to get together the day after we got home from a short vacation. I had to confess to my wife that I broke my promise again: that I had been so horny for her that I wasn’t able to keep my hands off myself thinking about her. I offered to clean her van for her as punishment, since it still bore the marks of the camping trip. Even though she had been a little listless and tired from the trip (vacations are never relaxing), her eyes really lighted up and she got a big grin on her face when I mentioned “punishment.” Later, I told her this, and told her it had me worried ever since, but she said she didn’t remember anything in particular about the incident. At any rate, cleaning the van, inside and out, gave me a constructive way to expend some pent-up energy.
Sex that night was fairly simple and straightforward. I did tell my wife all the things I had been thinking about while playing with “her toy,” and as she has come to do regularly, she mounted me, put my cock inside herself, and used me according to her own rhythm and pleasure. As usual, I asked permission to cum, and remembered to thank my Goddess for the privilege afterwards.
Week 15 of our D/s relationship.
24 July. On a completely unrelated note, I have to mention that I was complemented today on my physique by a total stranger, an older gentleman, whom I met in a public place. This is the first time that anyone apart from my wife has said something complementary or flattering about my body. The FIRST time. EVER. I can’t begin to express how much that meant to me. To know that all the workouts, all the pumping iron, all the intensity of going “balls to the wall,” all the injuries, the sore muscles that keep me awake at night, the dieting, all the meals I’ve given up in favor of raw nutrition just to “feed the machine,” downing tuna straight from the can, all the bowls of plain oatmeal for breakfast, the expensive supplements that give me indigestion, all the little denials I’ve endured, the hours on the treadmill, the gallons of sweat, the tons of iron I’ve lifted, to know that all of this has finally begun to pay off is a primo head rush.
Forgive me, I just had to crow about it. (I can’t wait to get back to the gym...)
26 July, a.m. Some fine straightforward sex to start off the weekend.
28 July. With my wife’s permission, I ordered an “Aneros Stimulator” off the Web today. Beforehand, I mentioned to her the Hitachi Magic Wand and asked if she would like to have one. She just wrinkled her nose & said, “Nnnnh, you’re all I need.” I always appreciate her complements. Still, I’d like her to be comfortable using sex toys of some kind, but she has greeted almost all mention of them with apathy.
29 July, p.m. I rented and watched “Gladiator” for the first time last night. It touched me on a number of levels, most of which don’t need to be gone into here. I had a good cry when it was over, and later that night in bed with my wife, I had another.
One of the themes of the movie that touched me most was Maximus’ constant desire simply to go home to his wife and son; he had prayed to the gods that he might live long enough to hold them both again, and this theme recurred several times during the story. The first tear rolled out of my eye when Maximus finally made it home and found his wife and son crucified and burned. I guess I was bitten by the “mortality bug,” which gets to me now and then (I lost close relatives while I was young and have always been a little paranoid about losing my own wife or children). At any rate, when I got to bed and we had turned out the lights, I laid my head on my wife’s shoulder and let loose a flood of tears. I told her again how much I loved her, and that the old fear of losing her or the boys had risen up again. Unlike Maximus, I think I would go mad if I lost any of them. And even though the moments were fleeting and never lasting, still I found eternity in her embrace and paradise on her lips. She held me tight until the sobbing stopped.
Afterwards, I apologized for laying such a heavy confession on her without warning, but she thought it was a beautiful thing.
This morning, I am vaguely embarrassed about it. I don’t know why...
On a more pertinent note, my submissive feelings have been rather quiet for the last week and a half. I’m starting to wonder if it has been just a phase or a fad.
30 July. I told my wife yesterday evening that I was embarrassed about my emotional display the night before, and that I didn’t know why it bothered me. She again said it had been a beautiful thing that I had said. I suppose I’m comforted a little bit. In some ways it seems a very submissive thing to have done: I really laid myself bare and vulnerable to my wife, but that has usually made me feel marvelous. This one didn’t. On the other hand, I do have a lot of other emotional baggage attached to the whole losing-those-closest-to-you issue. I still don’t know what it’s all about.
Submissive urges are returning! I’m beginning to want to be put through my paces again, to be “ridden hard and put away wet,” as we like to say. If I can just get rid of the kids for an evening...
Didn’t manage to get rid of the kids, but we had a nice sexual encounter this evening. After getting up to lock the door, I knelt by her side of the bed & told her that I was feeling submissive again, how I just wanted to serve her, that my own orgasm didn’t matter, etc., all the things I’ve said before. She decided she wanted her back scratched & massaged, so I obliged her with a generous application of Dream Angels Heavenly lotion & went on to massage her whole body. She took over after that & rode me to orgasm. Per usual, I asked my Goddess if I could cum, received permission, & then thanked her afterwards.
I love her so much!